Parental Advice

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Power of The Mummy Mafia

No new mother should underestimate the power and usefulness of the “Mummy Mafia”. As their name implies: they have knowledge, they have contacts, they can ease your progress if they give you their support. But don’t imagine that they will bring about dire retribution if you disrespect them – they won’t. They will just carry on helping each other through good times and bad and if you’re stupid enough to think you don’t need them and can “go it alone”, well more fool you!

Whether your child is one month or sixteen years and one month, there will always be problems, worries, concerns and occasionally, moments of sheer joy and bliss. At both extremes of the parenting spectrum you need your support group. Don’t think I am denigrating or belittling the role of the fathers in all this. I am not. They are just as important and vital to the child’s well-being. The point I want to make it how useful it is to have, on hand, a variety of other women who know what you are going through.

Think of the one or two good friends you have that know you really well. They know all, or nearly all, of your secrets, they know “where you’re coming from” (goodness, I hate that expression!) and when you have a conversation with them, you take up the thread as if you only left their company two minutes ago. You don’t have to explain what you mean or describe the characters involved, they already know.

That’s what it’s like with the Mummy Mafia. Only another woman who has spent a sleepless night nursing an ailing child can truly sympathise with another mother who is exhausted and at the end of her tether. Childless friends might pay lip-service to the idea that it’s tiring having your night’s sleep broken again and again, but only another mother really knows – and will say the right thing, give practical advice, or perhaps, if you are really lucky, take your baby for a long walk one afternoon and let you have a nap in blissful, unbroken silence.

It doesn’t stop though, just because you have passed the nappy and night feed stage. Every month of their lives your children will present you with new or repeated concerns. One of the things I use to keep myself sane is repeating “Whatever I am worrying about today will eventually be resolved, for good or bad, but will be replaced by something else. Think back to what you were worrying about last month. It seemed like the end of the world but it wasn’t, and there will be something else next month.” Daunting eh? Of course it is. Parenting is scary stuff. You get more information in the handbook with a new stereo than you do when that midwife hands you your new baby. So we all need all the help we can get.

Don’t ever cut yourself off from other mothers. Whether it is the mother and baby group, the playground clique, the mother’s taxi service – get involved, be a part of it, take your turn. It will pay huge dividends for you and your child. There will always be someone who is looking out for you and best of all, understands.

Join your local Mummy Mafia now!


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